:D

Things I’ve learned about life (part unknown)
1. Get off the couch and do stuff. Hobbies, volunteering, travelling, LARPing. Just don’t be a couch potato.
2. Read. Voraciously about everything you can, even if it’s not your “thing”.
3. Listen to a variety of music, and be open to new tunes.
4. Push yourself hard
5. Take care of you, and love you for who you are right this moment, things change, bodies change, lives change.. it just takes time.
6. Make mistakes. Learn from them. Move on.
7. Listen. Listen to your friends, your world around you, your body and your heart. They tell the truth.
8. Success is a lie. Achievements are relative and failure is subjective.
9. Be you. The best you that you can muster. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
10. Facilitate others to also “be” and discover them as they are.
11. If you meet someone and get into a relationship, don’t stop doing the above. Period.

It isn’t rape culture. It’s way worse than that.

Every day now I see something in the media about “rape culture”. The culture of sexual violence, being romanticized and perpetuated in many different forms. Romanticized sexual violence is a very real thing, but it isn’t the problem. It’s a symptom of a greater issue at hand.

I’m going to list off some more of the symptoms of the actual disease of modern society, and hopefully I can figure out a name for it.

1. Gender competition. (Male vs. Female vs. Ambiguous or otherness)

2. Sexual exploitation of humans. Male and female, young and old.

3. Creating unhealthy ideals and concepts of social roles

4. Demonizing aspects of gender stereotypes.

5. Abuse of humans using religion, patriarchy and politics.

6. Systematic removal of personal empowerment via media and institutions.

We are at a nexus point in civilization, and we need to step back and tread very carefully before we proceed. One of the major influences in the development of the future of mankind lays in us, casting aside the current values of gender relations. They are toxic and destructive to all humans.

We not only are being raised in an unhealthy manner, but adults are being socialized to have unhealthy relationships with themselves and each other.

So many men I meet are being robbed of the the opportunity to be real men. They desperately cling to fashion items to define their masculinity, and yet, at the end of the day are incapable of being the man they want to be to their significant other. Men are given low self worth, due to extreme feminism, combined with the battle cry of damaged little boys trapped in man bodies everywhere ensuring that no more women destroy them.

And women are now completely objectified and their value as a human is based upon their sexual attractiveness, regardless of the fact that sexuality is used to procreate. As soon as a woman becomes pregnant, her value as a human drops, as the infants inside make objectification offensive and difficult.

Problem is, men aren’t being raised to be men, they are being raised to be giant little boys, and stay dependent on the teats of life. They look for mommy replacements, because they never got given the tools to deal with life. They are dependent, and oddly enough, from a woman’s perspective, it starts off cute and funny, and after a very short period of time gets creepy and sickening. Who wants to have sex with a person you have to treat like your own offspring?

And men, sit there watching their s/o go from being an amazing person turn slowly into mom (not realizing that their dependency brings out the maternal instinct) and then get resentful and bothered and go looking for some hot tamale to make up for the lack of sexiness. But heaven forbid they let their s/o be themselves… you know that person that they found attractive to begin with.

Men are taught that women should be willing to put out if there is a gift bought if she is by herself in public. If she is alone, with no male counterpart she is available, and she has no choice or say in the matter.

That sense of entitlement is a direct offshoot of the culture of immaturity and objectification that we have built. It’s not rape culture, it’s Juvenile Culture.

Your Messiah

If your Messiah were to stand before you, would you recognise that person?

If your Messiah said to you, I am the way, would you persecute your Messiah for blasphemy?

If your Messiah was helping a person that you didn’t like, would you shun your Messiah? Would you pass by and arrogantly huff under your breath?

If your Messiah knocked on your door and asked for your help, your compassion, and your empathy, would you slam the door?

Don’t lie, because your God knows what’s in your heart.

If your God sent you someone to tell you what you need to know to move towards a heaven on earth would you give up your comfort to follow?

Would your messiah be pleased that you contributed to detroying the Earth that we are supposed to build the kingdom heaven on?

Would your Messiah be pleased that countless people have been left to starve, yet we have everything needed to ensure the health, wellbeing and safety of all people, everywhere?

What if…

In each generation was born one Messiah, and one supergenius. And in each generation we shut them down because they don’t fit in to our Ego generated social construct?

Tesla was a pinnacle of brilliance and by the time he died, he was destroyed. What if he had been given the respect and wellbeing that he deserved? What else could have brought to the world?

How many Teslas have been hiding behind closed doors knowing that if they speak up, that they will be shunned and emotionally damaged beyond repair?

Is your messiah looking at you through your mirror in the morning, and wondering when you will stop and listen to your heart, and not your ego, listen to your soul and not your fear?

Is your messiah now yelling at you, telling you that you don’t need armaggedon for salvation, that to make a heaven on earth, the key is to release your fear, to give away your ego, and to live in harmony with nature and all beings?

Is your messiah telling you daily that your selfishness and overconsumption is the root of your pain and emptiness inside?

Veiled racism

For anyone knows me, my ex boyfriend is a British Ex Pat. And he pointed out how surprised at the veiled racism that Canadians tend to have.

We are touted as a cultural melting pot internationally, but, there is a lot of bigotry slithering through our societal norms.

We would go for coffee and chat witb people and they would rant about “New Canadians” to my landed immigrant significant other.
He would twitch out and say, “But I’m a new Canadian.”
To which the reply would invariably be, “But you’re different…”
He would answer, “Like wot?? Coz I’m pink, not brown?!? Sod off ya c*nt!!” (he’s Cockney)

That being said, I have chums from all kinds of backgrounds and you know what I’ve found? Everyone’s a bigot and everyone stereotypes. It’s just white, hetero people did such an extreme job of of being bigoted assholes we pissed everyone off, and can’t get away with it.

So, here we sit at the tail end of a never ending election campain that has somehow brought the veiled bigotry out into the open, ironically because of veils. And it has created amazing discussions.

The dialogue it has created, may just be what we need as Canadians, both new and born, to take stock in our apathy and shallow divisions.

Thank you Harper, we have an opportunity to discuss the elephant in the room now that the tablecloth fell off of her.

Your dirty politics might backfire because regardless of the veiled bigotry, most Canadians are smart enough to know that their discomfort is a personal issue, and we tend to live and let live.

So, please try to divide us in more ridiculous ways, then we have more to talk about!

Veiled racism

For anyone knows me, my ex boyfriend is a British Ex Pat. And he pointed out how surprised at the veiled racism that Canadians tend to have.

We are touted as a cultural melting pot internationally, but, there is a lot of bigotry slithering through our societal norms.

We would go for coffee and chat witb people and they would rant about “New Canadians” to my landed immigrant significant other.
He would twitch out and say, “But I’m a new Canadian.”
To which the reply would invariably be, “But you’re different…”
He would answer, “Like wot?? Coz I’m pink, not brown?!? Sod off ya c*nt!!” (he’s Cockney)

That being said, I have chums from all kinds of backgrounds and you know what I’ve found? Everyone’s a bigot and everyone stereotypes. It’s just white, hetero people did such an extreme job of of being bigoted assholes we pissed everyone off, and can’t get away with it.

So, here we sit at the tail end of a never ending election campain that has somehow brought the veiled bigotry out into the open, ironically because of veils. And it has created amazing discussions.

The dialogue it has created, may just be what we need as Canadians, both new and born, to take stock in our apathy and shallow divisions.

Thank you Harper, we have an opportunity to discuss the elephant in the room now that the tablecloth fell off of her.

Your dirty politics might backfire because regardless of the veiled bigotry, most Canadians are smart enough to know that their discomfort is a personal issue, and we tend to live and let live.

So, please try to divide us in more ridiculous ways, tgen we have more to talk about!

Risky Business

I’ve taken a lot of risks in my life… Some worked out for the better, and some for the worse.

 

For example, I ran away from home as a teen, to get away from my toxic abusive step father. I didn’t know where I was going to go, or what I was going to do, but I knew that my survival, and my freedom counted on leaving. Survival may have been more emotional and psychological, but freedom was a whole other ball of wax. I was at a point where I was actively considering assault, and I don’t know if I would have been able to stop once I started hurting him.

 

So, I took a bag with a pen, I.D.,  a writing pad, an extra set of clothes and walked out the door with the intent to never return. I trembled for the hours, not knowing what I would do, walking around and looking for answers.

 

There were none. I ended up hitchhiking and living on the streets and couch surfing for over a year. I slept in burned out building and held company with people ranging from drug dealers and hookers to sociopaths and random weirdos. Life was hard, and for some reason, living on the streets does some strange things to your head.

 

What I will give street life though, is that it’s simple. Wake up in the morning and survive. That’s it.

 

But back to risk taking. I’ve gone completely the other direction and many years after I got off of the streets, I had an opportunity to attempt to become a professional artist. I saved up three months worth of rent, food, and money for bills, and quit my shitty job, to see if I could hack it.

 

I treated my art like my job and worked ten to twelve hours a day, and in the first three months pulled in $10,000 for my troubles. I didn’t work shows, there was no commission work, I just made what I wanted, and people either bought it or didn’t, and either way it was cool.

 

I got pulled into the scene, and honestly, it didn’t seem to do me any good in regards to exposure or making money. I started doing commissions, and having deadlines and outside influences disrupting my flow, and eventually it reached a point where I wasn’t making any money and had to go back to work. (Unfortunately it’s taken almost a decade for me to realize what went wrong)

 

My jobs since then have been incredibly high pressure, stressful, chaotic, and generally have destroyed my ability to think clearly let alone have creative or critical thought. But, you do what you have to do to survive.

 

My spouse wants me to get back into I.T. and the thought actually makes me want to put a bullet into my head. It is a worse dead end job than being in retail or a barista. It burns me out in a way that I literally have no gumption to live. Which is the last thing I need right now.

 

But after boring you with little tidbits of my back story, I’m confident that you may be able to understand where I’m sitting in regards to my current predicament.

So, in July of 2014 I took on a job to try to turn around a little company that was failing, and was told at the beginning that if I couldn’t turn it around, that it was going to get shut down. At that point, I had no work, and it was a challenge.. so, I threw my hat over the fence.

 

There were two employees, that were working there and putting in time at the sister company when things were slow. One employee was a programmer, and the gig didn’t fit his aptitude. So within a week of me getting hired, he left to go back to something more suitable to his strengths.

 

Then my Grandmother who had an aggressive type of ovarian cancer took a turn for the worse. The other employee was a troublemaker and had angered almost everyone he had worked with in the sister company, and was unwelcome, so he was losing hours. Then he decided that when he was working with me he was going to get aggressive and pushy, with no skills or knowledge to back him up.

 

All the while I’m working in the office and on the field with no training and a little bully that didn’t like to work, and my grandmother was dying, bringing along with it, all the usual family stuff. By the end of August, she was dead, and I had brought in money that was outstanding for the company, and things were starting to look better.

 

September 12th, my little bully got let go. Now regardless of his attitude, I needed more than just me to work a company (it’s in the construction end of things) and so I’m in the office and on the field and borrowing staff from our sister company.

 

By October, our sister company was so busy I couldn’t borrow anyone, and I was getting borrowed. To the extent of working six days a week, and still trying to juggle the little company that I was trying to save, with no help, no training, no resources, and now no time.

 

I barely remember Christmas, but really we didn’t do anything for the holidays because everyone was so emotionally and physically spent that it would have just been a burden. Back to work we went, and I had to keep working for the sister company. With no help on the other one, even though there were big job offers and opportunities happening.

 

I failed. And as of Thursday of last week, I was told that my little failure was going to get shut down. That being said, the hardest part of it all, is that I’m over 15 weeks pregnant with twins. And if I lose my job, I don’t get maternity leave… with twins.

 

I’m upset, stressed out, and at a loss as to what to do anymore. Nobody hires pregnant women, and I have to consider welfare. With twins on the way.

 

I took a gamble and lost, and there are some poor innocent souls that are going to pay the consequences of my stupid wish to try to make something more of my life than just working a nine to fiver.

 

I’m tired of the stress, I’m tired of nothing working right, no stability and no option to get out. I’m fed up with people that don’t take responsibility for their actions and everything else that goes with it. I usually can think my way out of predicaments, but I’m burnt out and have nothing left to give.

 

I just want a job where I walk in do what I’m supposed to do and walk out at the end of the day. No extra projects, no glory, no respect, just work. I haven’t done any of my hobbies or done anything I consider a pleasure or had a mental break in over a year from my life, and now I’m suffering all around for it.

 

I want to come home and have the energy to make stuff, enjoy cooking, do a little dance in my shower before I get too big to do it safely. I want to have the time to actually think about and be excited about becoming a parent. I want less stress, not more. Because things are already upside down backwards sideways.

 

I can’t do construction for the duration of my pregnancy, as it’s really uncomfortable already. I just want to work in an office filing stuff, and maybe answering phones etc. But, who would be willing to take me on, and wasting money training me for their particular system, to lose me by late August?

 

I wish I had some sort of wisdom gained from all of this, other than when you take risks, sometimes it works, and other times it doesn’t. And when you fail, it hurts.

 

And when it comes to being a “strong person” people are there to listen to you, but will most likely never have answers to your crazy predicaments.