Visit… Spend Time

A dear friend of mine has breast cancer. This past year she’s been through rounds upon rounds of chemo, radiation, a double mastectomy, tests, more tests and now she has a lump starting on her chest wall.

We live two hours away and I’ve been a bad friend, caught up in the dumpster fire that is my own life and only been able to be present for her online.

But this week somehow luck was on my side, and I was able to go and visit with her.

I don’t want to talk about my feelings on the drive up, but I think it may be pertinent to the rest of the post.

The drive was relatively pleasant, but I was riddled with sadness, anxiety and melancholy. I forgot how to be a friend and I was terrified that I was going to fail supporting her, fail at our friendship.

I was so good to see her, she met the kids and I on the street… it was a relief to just be able to hug her and see her smile and hear her voice.

We wandered in and got situated caught up a bit, and talked.

The health system has failed her in so many ways, from late (stage 3) diagnosis to missed meds to minimal mental health support, and she’s frustrated to say the least.

But as we talked she brought up the amount of times she had told a loved one of her prognosis, and had to hold them while they cried, support her loved ones in their grief and shock.

She talked about how everyone seems to have disappeared and are in denial of the severity of her condition. Armchair cheerleaders as it were…

“You got this you strong woman!!”

I told her I cried when she sent me the news. I didn’t tell her I laid on the floor of my kitchen sobbing until my body screamed in pain after putting the kids in their cribs.

My grandmother had this cancer… this is bad… this is terrifying

But, my feelings are my responsibility, and its my job to manage them while minimizing the impact on the person that I’m emotionally responding to.

I could see her body shudder with sadness and defeat talking about it all. I told her it’s human nature… the brain does remarkable things to protect itself from pain.

“What can I do for you?” I asked in all of it.

“Visit… spend time.” She replied quietly.

Oh boy… I know this feeling all too well.

So she’s there, two hours away, and I’m here with two tiny people in tow, and my heart hurts for her. My heart hurts for her teen daughter.

I watched my grandmother do the same thing, and she had three different cancers at three different points in life, and time was really the big answer.

Time is the only answer.

But denial is like a big padded bandage on a deep and painful wound. Keep that bandage on and we won’t have to deal with the wound. But, we forget that wounds get infected, they fester if we don’t tend to them.

Armchair cheerleaders have good intentions, and the path to hell is paved with good intentions.

The dumpster fire that is my life came up, and I posed my daily question. Wheres my Village?

It takes a village to raise a child, I got a two for one deal, and no village. The few people willing and able to help are too far away, and after almost three years here, due to the isolation of parenthood, and further isolation of my life, I’m here alone with my kids and their dad (and he doesn’t get it)

But it’s really the same.

People are there for you until there’s a birth, trauma, illness or death. Then they pay lip service to how strong you are, and carry on in life.

I’m strong because I’m the only one lifting. So is she.

Many hands make light work, yet its so easy to refrain from pitching in because “someone else will do it”, or it can’t be that bad, or whatever.

Where’s the village? This many hands business, that thing we evolved to live within, in safety and security.. bonded loved and cared for while bonding and loving and caring?

Maybe its gone the way of Roanoke.

But people are people, and our culture fears death and illness, fears reminders of our own mortality, fears taking responsibility for their emotions or their role in the village.

And then we fail each other in support, fail at friendship, and fail ourselves. And sit down at the end of the day with regret… Anxious that it’s too late.

But it’s never too late, until its over. The one thing in life that’s certain is that it’s time. Right now.

Time to reach out.

Time to listen.

Time to face your fears.

Time to be there, and be better.

And time for bed for me. (It’s 2 am)


Little stories. Introduction

Everyone has a story, a life that is hidden or not so much from your view.

External and internal universes that are carried around surreptitiously, packed in an average human body. Most often than not buried six feet under at the end of the bodily life with minimal acknowledgement from the outside world.

I’m constantly curious about those stories, as they almost always surprising and extraordinary. So many supposedly average people, each unique and remarkable but unsung.

My hat is off to humanity on a daily basis even though we’re collectively having some big global issues.

The individual is what inspires me and gives me hope for next transition of the human species.

The big shift

There is a local first nations leader, Chief Clarence Louis. He leads the Osoyoos nation and he’s a business man, he’s funny, and he’s a hard ass.

The Osoyoos band though, has shifted remarkably into capitalizing on the resources of the reservation in a modern fashion, adapting to the tourism industry that the Okanagan is known for, and employing it’s people in the process.

The industries they chose are reasonably sustainable, and aren’t founded on mining, logging or removal of the resources There, and as tourism in the Okanagan goes, the industries are adaptable and are open to complimentary business.

Back to Chief Louis though.

As I said before, he’s a hard ass, he’s pushing for all first nations people to work. And for the young men to pull up their boot straps. And I think that he has many lessons to offer society in general.

For all of the hard working men and women out there, regardless of whether they are on a traditional career path, blazing trails, or at home rearing children (quite often with part time work), there are many people of all ages that aren’t working.

There are a myriad of reasons people don’t or can’t work, and I’m not writing to pass judgement, but to question how we view work in an economy that is changing rapidly.

If the estimates are remotely accurate, 25 percent of the workforce by 2025 will be replaced via automation. Add to that, the baby boomers that are marching towards retirement – a whopping 29 percent of the population of Canada alone, we are looking at almost 50 percent of the nation’s adult population unemployed and or unemployable at the same time.

That means government income tax revenue is going to take an incredible hit, yet will still be expected to provide the same level of social welfare programs.

The people working for the federal government have known about the pension shortfall coming with the baby boomers retiring en masse for at least 25 years, and yet are still ill prepared for it, and with the addition of the wild card that is automation, we are staring point blank at a very real fiscal crisis.

Not to mention the social implications of having half of the population with little to do to fill their lives and give them a sense of purpose and belonging.

Most himans thrive on feeling needed and wanted in their community on some level. They wish to contribute and derive dignity, purpose and varying types of relationships through work, and community service, and a livable income.

How do we ensure that people aren’t going to be left behind in this futuristic world that we’re building?

Shanty towns of impoverished people build along side the most advanced technological society that humanity can conceive at the moment seems like an absolutely ridiculous notion.

The concept has been explored for more than half a century, with varying outcomes in many fictional universes, it’s a reality in some cities around the world already.

As a person that sees the value in humanity, and the potential in individuals, I wonder what kind of solution could be created to move all of civilization forward, not just a select few (That will all likely become obsolete once full automation becomes a reality)

The Venus Project is a great concept, and as we begin to merge ourselves with technology, it could be better adapted to al people’s needs.

But the construct of money needs to be looked at, consumerism in itself is going to be a thing of the past if so many people aren’t going to be working.

A basic income is a great stop gap and it’s being tested, a town in Albert a has guaranteed housing for all people, and on a socioeconomic level it’s apparently going well.

But it all goes back to human contributions to this new society that is emerging. We need to do stuff, have something to wake up for, or we degrade.

Chief Louis is right, people need to work, we need to adapt, and have purpose. We also need a kick in the rear, because we are sitting on the pot with our pants down, and the door is unlocked.

It’s just a matter of time before inevitability strolls through the door and has a good laugh at our expense.

It’s time for the movers and shakers to pull up their boot straps, for the average Joe to prepare for a starkly different reality.

From chaos to order

Over the years I’ve done many things looking for my career niche (still haven’t found it), I also tend to have numerous projects on the go at all times, and many disorganized piles in all kinds of strange places in my home.

Parenting hasn’t changed it much, other than slowing my progress of sifting through the piles and projects and disarray, much to the chagrin of the SO.

All’s well and good though. the kids are happy and as well fed as two year olds can be, the house is reasonably hygienic, even through the clutter and craziness, and I’ve begun merging my previous life and passions with my new life as a parent.

At 38 years old, it’s taken up until now to develop some level of discipline in regards to separating projects in such a fashion that I can wedge work in between the hectic life of being a new parent of twins.

One things I have always done is carve things. It used to be stone, but I’ve started carving wood pendants and rings, highly therapeutic, but hard on the body. I discovered Etsy, and have posted a bunch of stuff there.  That’s about where I can go with my marketing skills or passion. I guess that it’s time to learn how to go about it.

I also write, a lot. Actually, writing was the only thing that didn’t stop during the transition into parenthood. What has changed though, is how I save or publish my writing.

I’ve built a few blogs, some more active than others, each one with a particular theme,  instead of just posting in Google drive or Facebook in some ramshackle state to be sorted on a later date (which never comes btw).

Dividing up the media has helped with the writers block that intermittently comes and goes. When I have a thought stream, I literally have a place to write it out. Some stuff gets published, others just remain drafts, depending on if those streams are complete or remotely shareable.

Ruminating in the Machine is and has always been about finding or making a space in society where I feel I can belong, and sharing my adventure in it with other people that are struggling to find their niche as well. I want to see an open dialogue more often than not, but at this point, I don’t know if this will be the ideal media format for it.

I know that there is a “multipod” (multipotentialite) movement out there, see and it’s a great concept, and has amazing marketing.

And that’s really it. I’m not a marketer, I’m still a chaotic bumbler… So Ruminating in the Machine will continue until I find my niche(s?).

And now back to sifting through the piles of life.



Oh the outrage.
People are outraged over things. Lots of things everywhere. Outrage is what’s in. Rage is in. Inrage.

There are outraged because a t-shirt could be misconstrued that is promoted by a walking dead star.

People are outraged and have created a movement against one particular group that has been doing bad things, but lumping everyone else they don’t agree with into that group, and displaying the same hateful tactics.

People are outraged over mislabeled fish, and chemical stuff and their neighbors dog.

People are outraged for other people who dgaf about the thing that is outrageous.

I’m jumping on the bandwagon.

I’m outraged at hospitals sending home sick babies to take chances with death and forcing parents to give the level of care a fully trained rn does with no training and no help.

I’m outraged that society keeps kicking it’s vulnerable down in order to keep the next in line afloat in order to keep certain other people living in  the lap of luxury.

I’m outraged that the food industry throws away billions of dollars of food away per year because it isn’t saleable and the poverty level is so high. Here and everywhere.

I’m outraged that there is a cure for some cancers that is not licensed meaning nobody owns a patent to it and because big pharmacy can’t make billions and corner the market, people are suffering and dying.

I’m outraged for all of the people in my life that are suffering from anxiety and depression because we live in a sick society that has a very uncertain fiscal and technological future. A society that has marginalized all things not fitting that system that is failing. A society that despises age and reminders of death, and puts sparkles on the trials of parent hood. 

I’m outraged at being lied to day in and day out just to sell me crap that will last just past the warranty that I didn’t need on the first place, so I can throw it into our overflowing landfills.

I’m outraged that I get more solid information from comedians than from the news. — that said I’m outraged that I have to agree with Trump.

I’m outraged because Americans are so desperate for security from the above unknowingly, have elected someone like trump because they don’t know what else to do.

We Canadians did it too. And we paid the price for it. So did our environment.

I’m outraged that what we keep asking for isn’t being done and our leaders are shirking their duties. For the sake of the next term promise.

I’m sick of entitlement. People that believe they are entitled to exorbitant wealth, objects, rights, other people’s decisions, access to other people’s bodies, freedom, life, or liberty. 

We aren’t entitled. But we are sharing this space, and seem to be pissing it up a wall between America and Mexico.  Have have a very uncertain future, and we as a global community have to take a step back and address what’s actually happening. We need to make provisions for what is already changing and prepare for what is most likely certain. 

There are two ways to lead. 

A common enemy (the enemy isn’t who you think it is)

A common goal (the goal is pretty simple)

Civilizations come and go

With all of the strange violence and chaos that seems to be popping up lately, one has to pause and wonder what it is that is actually going on?

What would make a middle class suburban kid decide to go and fight for some strange violent group of people in a foreign country?

Security and a sense of direction, meaning in life, solid foundations regardless of creed.

We are at a nexus point in human civilization and most people are unaware of it.

The digital revolution is no longer a revolution, but an evolution. There are no answers to the days ahead, no predictability at all.

For the longest time I expected some major upheaval, more dissent something tangible that would signify the end of civilization as we know it, and either the human race imploding or us making some sort of major advancement.

But today while I was looking at new tech trying to ponder how to prepare the twins for adulthood I came to realize something.

It’s happening. We are moving forward regardless of trademarks, profits and property rights. We are as a species circumventing the powers that be, and we are unifying in a way that has never happened before.

Free knowledge and public licensing in technology has opened the floodgates. And access on a global level is giving laypeople the opportunity to create real-time practical solutions to their environments, all the while crowdsourcing the resources they may not have.

It all seems a sham to people who hold power because they can’t calculate it. You can’t tally knowledge and there are no dividends on freedom. But there is a technocratic creep happening. In fact it’s upon us and we don’t have the faintest idea what it will bring.

Which brings me back to people going to strange lands and adopting violent mantras. They see it, and don’t understand it, and they are looking for a solid conservative direction to protect them.

Ultra conservative people need a sense of meaning and defined directions and roles in order to feel safe. It’s ingrained in our genome, and has served us in the past even though it doesn’t serve us now.

But the change is upon us and there is nothing that can be done aside from complete destruction of humanity to end it. And nobody is insane enough to step across that line.

As the change comes, it will keep accelerating and those able to adapt and think on their feet will have the most success.

What we are seeing is the death throes of a dying civilization, but as there are so many of us, humanity itself as a whole will be here to usher in its replacement unlike previous civilizations.

All in all we are going to see some amazing things in the short term, and I look forward to where it’s going.


I’ve decided to sell time.

It’s the only thing that people seem to need more of.

Time for sale!!

Zero down payments, and zero monthly payments.. ever.

Side effects include: happiness, personal growth, adventure, hobbies, friends, social acceptance, and opportunities to find love.

So… Now that I’ve sold you a bit of free time, how successful and happy are you? Do you love your lifestyle, or envy someone elses?


Unfortunately people have been programmed to think that the next gadget represents a “lifestyle”, that a new vehicle is the key to adventure – your current car just slogs you back and forth from your crappy job, but if you get this other more new and fancy car, it will propel you to road trips and classy events. This product will increase your attractiveness because you have no confidence and you are lonely regardless whether you are in a relationship or not.


Significant others are as disposable as your seasonal wardrobe, but that’s not why you feel empty and miserable working 60 – 80 hours a weeks paying for the gadgets and car and takeaway crappy tasteless meals for your current s/o , while posting motivational posters on social media to make you feel better about your ever more hollow and uninteresting life.


The above is what we label as middle class “success”. And none of it — with the exception of your spouse… if you are lucky, makes you feel successful.


If you aren’t happy, or fulfilled, you haven’t experienced success.


But some aspects of success were outlined above, and you may not have even noticed them.


You may grumble to yourself during the summer months, looking at the hippies transitioning through your city, and think to yourself, “Effing stinky, lazy hippies…” and you wonder how many drugs they did to seem so happy all the time. I can tell you right now, that drugs have little to do with it.. psychedelics help, but aren’t necessary.


What they have is time. They have more time in a day than you have in a week, and adventure could be as simple as a tea in the park or hacky sack (which is great for fitness and flexibility BTW) with random strangers, or as “out there” as sticking out a thumb and seeing where they end up. They are rich in connections, and are free. You really despise them because they somehow survive, and are really healthy, and have time to be, time to do, and time to share.


Why are they happy and you aren’t? You have the gadgets and the house and all the things you were told you needed to be successful…. You aren’t happy because you don’t have the time to enjoy it… because you have to work so damn hard to pay for the lifestyle that sits at home and collects dust, and don’t have the healthy emotional and intellectual connections to share it with because you don’t have time for that random conversation while drinking your fav bevvy, while rushing off to the next very important thing with people you have nothing in common with.


I just had most of the week off, and well, honestly I could use another month. If I could get paid to do random stuff, I would be doing it tomorrow. Providing I had time at the end of the day to laugh about the strange things that happened, and maybe get my laundry and dishes done.


Maybe what need need to do to make change is immediately take our time back. No more overtime without pay. No more sitting looking at stupid things that have ads that make people rich, no more shopping therapy. Take that time to take care of that person sitting reading this article, you that person that’s feeling guilty that they are doing it on company time…


Your time is more important than theirs. You looking at social media and reddit and blogs is your little rebellion… Just ask your loved ones what is important. Would your kids rather the shiny toy… or time with you, out playing and adventuring through the forest making mud pies and looking for sasquatch. Your spouse (providing you are in a healthy relationship)  would agree that they would rather have nights where you come home and aren’t grumpy, and want to watch some cheesy movie and tickle and play or whatever it is you do to get the mojo working.


Happiness is letting yourself be you, and if you are happy, and your needs are covered with hopefully a little gravy,(meaning exploring interests and hobbies and personal growth) then you are more successful than most of the North American population.


You can be that Hippy without the patchouli, all you need is to take control of your time, because it’s yours and worth more than you realize.

hoping for successful humaning everywhere.

Two probability waves ever expanding. Two possible outcomes.

There are billions of people that walk this planet that are just like you and I. Moderate, wishing to have all needs covered, with gravy and maybe an opportunity to self actuate.

But is a small percentage of people that are indoctrinated or maybe actually psychologically unwell and think that the end of the world, a messiah and the kindgom of heaven shall be brought to earth. These people also feel for whatever reason, that they are instruments of a deity that are meant to usher in a prophecy describing these things, and oddly enough are in many levels of power in all different facets of society.

Some of what has happened is that these fringe groups have adopted facist propaganda tools to further their ideals regardless of how quickly things turn sour, and regardless of the severe ethical consequences if left unchecked.

But here we sit. Literally on the brink of a self imposed extinction of most species on our planet with the hope that completely obliterating everything will bring us a saviour to stop us from completely obliterating ourselves. Makes sense.

Many moderates are now afraid to speak up, or if they aren’t, they have no idea how to get their idea of peace, coexistence, ethical and sustainable progress forward without somehow being publicly destroyed.

So.. in that… the very people that are trying to save the earth, acting as messiahs, are being strung up again and again in order to make sure we fulfill everything and the planet is not habitable so we can demand that someone save us from the certain death that we created. We need someone to save us!! Just not you, or him, or her, or anyone else for that matter.

Um. yeah.

So the idea of a kingdom in heaven or a heaven on earth, I think Marx was kinda looking at the concept sans “religious indoctrination”

** note that faith is a different concept which is personal and should be treated as one would treat their genitals in public**

So what is this kingdom that we are looking forward to having providing there is some messiah ( I hope it’s a woman ) that saves us just before we shit the bed?

Is it a non corporeal state floating around minus the whole “dying to get there first”, idea?

Or is it the next step in human evolution where all humans have autonomous control over their own lives future and destiny, being given every opportunity to live love and grow, to actualize and become refined in their personhood and giving the best they have to a community that give the individual the best it has?

Is it a life where we work in livelihoods that we can contribute to with our strengths and quirks, which contributes to society at large, a life where we play in ways that allow us to have the freedom to explore and interact in emotional, intellectual and physical ways? Where true individuality and passion for life is celebrated, and healthy self love is just as important as love for others? Or if a whole human is the highest form of achievement?

I have to ask, what then? Whole humans accepting each other celebrating difference, seeing novelty and eccentricity as an opportunity to grow individually, as well as contribute to a sustainable and civil civilization. Where we neither live to work, nor work to live. We Live Life and all things we do are complimentary to our whole being.

Technology, and interconnectedness merging in new ways, deliberate and incedental networking giving opportunity, and collaboration of people of all walks of life giving the fuel to propel us. So many want change, and we all do our parts in some concept of a greater good. Maybe the next piece of the pie is a common general goal…

Not a kingdom of heaven, nor a utopia as humaning tends to be unpredictable, but a goal for us all to find ways, with our own strengths and virtues to facilitate humans to become whole, to become self aware and learn to Live Life and be Whole.

The rest.. ie. world being better, advancements that will put us in space, and other ontold unprdictable awesome things will happen, as they tend to do.

The first step towards the “Class One Civilization” isn’t harnessing new fuels and technology, as all that is already there, it’s tending humans and creating an actual civilization. That’s all civil, responsible and other nice stuff 😀

Plant a seed and give a hand.

Be Brave…. and risk Love.

Dish out compassion like it’s going out of style, and try to get into discussions with people you normally wouldn’t, and instead of who’s right or wrong, think, this is an opportunity to grow! What can I learn, and what do I have to offer to this person?

Have a happy!