The power of secrets

A couple of days ago I was watching a snippet of news and the anchor had brought up the current media storms revolving around Hollywood’s #metoo movement, and the several political leaders currently being examined by law enforcement and the media alike for sexual misconduct. 

This anchor, a lovely middle aged woman, well seasoned in the spotlight and journalism, always appropriately sober faced in her role remained in character for her speech. 

She talked about the power of secrets. 

Perps using financial influence, authority and power to do as they will to others, depending on fear of the receiver of their mongering, advances or assaults to keep quiet. 

Depending also on a biased social justice system that ensures that a victim must have somehow been responsible for the actions of the perpetrator. 

They depend on the shaming and intense scrutiny, that comes along with making serious allegations such as sexual assault. They depend on the guilt and shame ridden emotional load to continually overwhelm their targets, and keep quiet.

Because secrets have power.

But what they are learning now, what anyone who has been paying attention is learning now… how powerful secrets are, and what can happen if secrets are used against the very people who created them.

Wikileaks was shocking, but not surprising, we all know the government hides stuff. Good and bad. But it’s not tangible to most people. At most it’s a surreal thing that gets talked about on the news by serious elderly anchors after the evening national.

But, as the hashtagged #metoo movement barreled across our world, the dialogues, the derailment and even outright shaming and abuse that came of this raw, festering and open global wound became apparent.

Not just women. Men came forward as well, some welcomed with open arms and others told off for trying to take the spotlight. 

Sexual assault is terribly common, and knows no gender, age, race, or social bracket. 

It does however know power, shame and secrets. And the people that commit assault use every tool possible to ensure they can carry on. 

But those secrets are the Achilles heel. And we are certainly coming into and awakening where people are beginning to see that if they are keeping the secrets it is They, not the perps who actually have power. 

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Scratching the abyss

This is going to be a heavy post about addiction and suicide. 

For those people struggling with addiction, I have no answers. All new studies point to having love and a fulfilling life to prevent addiction, but once in the throes of addiction that community becomes a foreign place to an addict. 

As an outsider loving people who have spiraled through the event horizon of addiction, it’s a terrifying experience to behold.

After watching a person spiral in and shoot out over and over, one’s mind can go to really dark places. 

Tonight was a dark night in my mind. The differences between addiction and suicide hit me tonight.

Suicide is swift and final. There may be things left undone, unsaid or unexplained, but loved ones can grieve, and in time move forward. 
Addiction always teeters on the edge of finality holding on to a tiny thread of hope. The death of an addict is usually a slow and painful process.

One grieves a loved one that slides down the rabbit hole out of sight, but gets a glimmer of hope when the addict reaches up and cries for help.

The grief is paused. 

Then the addict slides down again.

Over and over the cycle goes until the addict destroys themselves partially or entirely. But up until the end, there is hope.

I don’t know how an addict feels during the cycle, and I refuse to ask for justification. It’s needless. I can’t force sobriety, or a fulfilling life. None of us can, it’s entirely up to an addict to make that decision.

Addiction is a sad part of society, and hopefully we can help our communities find a solution to help all who struggle with it.

:D

Things I’ve learned about life (part unknown)
1. Get off the couch and do stuff. Hobbies, volunteering, travelling, LARPing. Just don’t be a couch potato.
2. Read. Voraciously about everything you can, even if it’s not your “thing”.
3. Listen to a variety of music, and be open to new tunes.
4. Push yourself hard
5. Take care of you, and love you for who you are right this moment, things change, bodies change, lives change.. it just takes time.
6. Make mistakes. Learn from them. Move on.
7. Listen. Listen to your friends, your world around you, your body and your heart. They tell the truth.
8. Success is a lie. Achievements are relative and failure is subjective.
9. Be you. The best you that you can muster. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
10. Facilitate others to also “be” and discover them as they are.
11. If you meet someone and get into a relationship, don’t stop doing the above. Period.

Love

Thank you..
Thank you for giving me the opprtunity to love you. Even but for a moment.
Thank you for showing me a new and unique way to love.
Thank you for loving me back, and thank you for letting me go.
Thank you

Have a happy

For the last couple of decades instead of a standard farewell, I generally tell people to, “Have a Happy!”. The first time I use it one someone in my life, they generally get slightly confused and chuckle, and ask, ” A Happy What?”

To which I reply, ” A Happy whatever it is that you do, that makes you Happy.”

There may be discussion about having A Happy, and if they get it, they understand that Having A Happy, could be a cup of tea, a well deserved rest, or a walk in the park video games etc. Whatever it is you do that gives you an inner smile, is A Happy.

I’ve come to realize over time that I hadn’t been giving myself the same advice, because I don’t give myself farewells. This means I’ve neglected my Happy, and in some cases unintentionally stopped being responsible for my Happy. I expected other people to share their Happy with me.

It’s fine to share your Happy with other people here and there, but another person’s Happy won’t sustain you the way that your own Happy will. And nobody is responsible for your Happy, just like you aren’t responsible for theirs. You can take a ride, or play with someone’s Happy all you want, or sometimes take other Happys on playdates with your Happy, but at the end of the day, It’s your Happy, take care of it, feed it and nurture it, and it will take care of you right back.

So I want to add to my greetings ie. “how are you/ what’s new?” to, “How’s Your Happy?” either it will hurt Happys or it will help Happys, but maybe it’s worth trying.

Have a Happy, and treat that Happy well