The untapped labor market

Dear employers;

There isa massive untapped labor market that is willing and capable of working long hard hours, is resourceful, educated, tech savvy, willing and able to learn, modest, and driven to succeed and in turn help your business succeed.

But it comes with a catch.

You have to offer flexible hours and options to telecommute.

This above mentioned group is the millenial stay at home parent. The amount of posts I see on miscellaneous online forums, asking, “How can I legitimately make money as a stay at home parent?” is tremendous. The amount of MLMs targeting those same people is absurd. The women who try out the MLMs are persistent and amazing and if their abilities were to actually be harnessed in the actual job world, there could be doors opened that most businesses had no idea even existed.

Data entry, digital assistants, client care reps, design, book keeping, writing and editing, scheduling are just some of the examples of services that these people can offer. And many of them would be willing and able to wear different hats.

With the advent of remote desktop software, cloud services, team based apps for pc/tablet/phone many of them are connected over a broad range of devices and depending on the time of day and activity they are in can do small amounts of work herre and there with large blocks in the early morning, nap times, and evening.

With remote serrvices it would be quite easy as an emplyer to set up a login tracker if it isn’t alreadt incorporated into your business management software. You can track time logged and pay accordingly.

The bonus of telecommuting is less office overhead, being able to pay less as well (many people are willing to take a pay cut to be at home with flexible hours, and those same employees tend to use their time more productively, are in better moods which shows in a client care situation as well as interoffice relationships.

There may have to be a learning curve at the beginning, and there are always obstacles, but as with any business, finding ways to work together as a team to find solutions, overcome hurdles and keep the business moving forward is just how it goes.

Having children shouldn’t be a liability. Children grow up to be part of the same community that businesses serve, and will either be clients or workers in those businesses providing they keep up with the trends that the economy is facing.

Yes, things are becoming automated, and eventually most of the positions listed above will be gone, but it’s a good way to get used to not having a human sitting at a desk. The automation happens to still be a person that is elsewhere.

Okay maybe with that last statement I’m grasping at straws.

All that said, “How do I make money as a stay at home parent?”

Cheers!

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The power of secrets

A couple of days ago I was watching a snippet of news and the anchor had brought up the current media storms revolving around Hollywood’s #metoo movement, and the several political leaders currently being examined by law enforcement and the media alike for sexual misconduct. 

This anchor, a lovely middle aged woman, well seasoned in the spotlight and journalism, always appropriately sober faced in her role remained in character for her speech. 

She talked about the power of secrets. 

Perps using financial influence, authority and power to do as they will to others, depending on fear of the receiver of their mongering, advances or assaults to keep quiet. 

Depending also on a biased social justice system that ensures that a victim must have somehow been responsible for the actions of the perpetrator. 

They depend on the shaming and intense scrutiny, that comes along with making serious allegations such as sexual assault. They depend on the guilt and shame ridden emotional load to continually overwhelm their targets, and keep quiet.

Because secrets have power.

But what they are learning now, what anyone who has been paying attention is learning now… how powerful secrets are, and what can happen if secrets are used against the very people who created them.

Wikileaks was shocking, but not surprising, we all know the government hides stuff. Good and bad. But it’s not tangible to most people. At most it’s a surreal thing that gets talked about on the news by serious elderly anchors after the evening national.

But, as the hashtagged #metoo movement barreled across our world, the dialogues, the derailment and even outright shaming and abuse that came of this raw, festering and open global wound became apparent.

Not just women. Men came forward as well, some welcomed with open arms and others told off for trying to take the spotlight. 

Sexual assault is terribly common, and knows no gender, age, race, or social bracket. 

It does however know power, shame and secrets. And the people that commit assault use every tool possible to ensure they can carry on. 

But those secrets are the Achilles heel. And we are certainly coming into and awakening where people are beginning to see that if they are keeping the secrets it is They, not the perps who actually have power. 

Living with Purpose (1)

As a misfit, I’ve spent most of my 38 years on earth looking for my purpose in life.

I was raised Lutheran, and although I had a few moments of feeling like part of the church community, I always pushed for change. The church was very antiquated, had no youth programs outside of Sunday school, had an ageing congregation that spent more time preparing for their passage to heaven, or playing politics than really doing anything in the community at large.

Lutherans aren’t evangelical, they’re generally moderate protestant and follow a more apostolic doctrine th and what is shown with other Christian denominations on the media. 

I wasn’t evangelical, but I was thoroughly convinced that the reason I couldn’t engage and being is because there was nothing there for me. 

So I made a proposal to the church pastor for a youth group. He wasn’t keen. He also wasn’t a nice man. But I persisted, I asked I bugged, and badgered. For almost a year every Sunday I asked, I mentioned the idea to elders and was generally a thorn in the side of the church hierarchy. 

Along came the youth group leader. He was and probably still is fantastic, families started coming on more often, his youthful vibrance was contagious, there was youth performances in music and reverence renewed. 

Then the pastor had a falling out with an elder who’s daughter had a child out of wedlock. He refused to baptize the infant. There was uproar people leaving and so on. Then his wife showed up one day to church with a fist sized bruise on her cheek. 

I saw it. I saw the angry swollen skin that she must have painstaking caked makeup over while choking back tears. I was horrified, I felt so bad for her, and so angry at the pastor. 

A lot changed after that. The youth leader knew a young pastor with a young family, and many things changed. 

Including me.

I had questions, and even with a whole new church, there were never answers and I still never quite fit in. 

This was the first social change I’d made, and it’s been a continual trend.

What does this all have to do with purpose you might ask. 

I’m apostate at this point in my life, but I see that church even for the faithless has an important role in some people’s lives. The sense of community and belonging, the predictability and routine all can offer a sense of security. Community service and programs can help with the need for a sense of purpose in individuals.
I’ve always envied the people that I meet that knew what they were going to be early on in life, and somehow remained steadfast in that drive, and have accomplished their goals.

I envy it, because nothing ever clicked for long, and it’s taken years of personality tests and forums to compare experiences to understand that, by nature I’m not actually inclined for a singular Purpose, and it’s okay. 

So what does this mean? It means looking at the long term consistent activities in my life, even if there are lengthy stints and breaks.

Looking at things that may have seemed trivial or irrelevant (such as the above situation) and seeing my role in what happened in it objectively. 

That little fight to create change, and my persistence and fearlessness is a key to my purpose. Maybe my purpose is to find small things in life that could use improvement, persist until that thing is complete hand it off to the doers and people with the sense of purpose that fits, and then move to another thing. 

This is of course anecdotal, and each person is different. But for anyone sitting at home in their late thirties still wondering what they should be when they grow up, or what their purpose is, maybe it’s hiding in your earliest passions. 

From chaos to order

Over the years I’ve done many things looking for my career niche (still haven’t found it), I also tend to have numerous projects on the go at all times, and many disorganized piles in all kinds of strange places in my home.

Parenting hasn’t changed it much, other than slowing my progress of sifting through the piles and projects and disarray, much to the chagrin of the SO.

All’s well and good though. the kids are happy and as well fed as two year olds can be, the house is reasonably hygienic, even through the clutter and craziness, and I’ve begun merging my previous life and passions with my new life as a parent.

At 38 years old, it’s taken up until now to develop some level of discipline in regards to separating projects in such a fashion that I can wedge work in between the hectic life of being a new parent of twins.

One things I have always done is carve things. It used to be stone, but I’ve started carving wood pendants and rings, highly therapeutic, but hard on the body. I discovered Etsy, and have posted a bunch of stuff there.  That’s about where I can go with my marketing skills or passion. I guess that it’s time to learn how to go about it.

I also write, a lot. Actually, writing was the only thing that didn’t stop during the transition into parenthood. What has changed though, is how I save or publish my writing.

I’ve built a few blogs, some more active than others, each one with a particular theme,  instead of just posting in Google drive or Facebook in some ramshackle state to be sorted on a later date (which never comes btw).

Dividing up the media has helped with the writers block that intermittently comes and goes. When I have a thought stream, I literally have a place to write it out. Some stuff gets published, others just remain drafts, depending on if those streams are complete or remotely shareable.

Ruminating in the Machine is and has always been about finding or making a space in society where I feel I can belong, and sharing my adventure in it with other people that are struggling to find their niche as well. I want to see an open dialogue more often than not, but at this point, I don’t know if this will be the ideal media format for it.

I know that there is a “multipod” (multipotentialite) movement out there, see http://puttylike.com and it’s a great concept, and has amazing marketing.

And that’s really it. I’m not a marketer, I’m still a chaotic bumbler… So Ruminating in the Machine will continue until I find my niche(s?).

And now back to sifting through the piles of life.

Cheers!

Vulnerability is power.

I don’t know where to begin.

 

Since the #metoo movement began, a tiny little movement that I participated in, I’ve had a continuous stream of thought that has been incredibly overwhelming.

 

From reliving my own personal experiences in shattered disorganized memories disrupting my day to day life, to looking at my own precious daughters, pondering that point in which they, for the first time in their lives will experience that innocence shattering moment of “ick”. That moment when somebody acts in an inappropriate manner to them, and somehow it’s excused by the people surrounding them instead of giving them safe haven.

 

I’ve read articles, and threads, and seen everything from compassion and empathy to derailments and abuse, I’ve watched as everyone debates or decides how they’re going to deal with the overload of information that women are being assaulted everywhere. Men are being assaulted everywhere.

 

There are discussions on where it begins, and debates on how to end it, hundreds of thousands of voices chiming in and the cacophony is surreal and deafening. I can’t say if this will just blow over like most previous high profile sex abuse scandals, the media, and the general public are great at forgetting terrible things very quickly.

 

But now that the dust has settled from the storm, and I have a moment or two to sit down and write it out, I may as well put the jumble of thoughts and words down and sort them out later.

 

From Philip Zombardo and his ted talks on evil and the Stanford Prison experiments, to talks about self compassion and being a whole person, there seem to be many angles in regards to addressing violence, sexual violence in social groups. 

 

Why was everyone so upset about Weinstein? Is anyone really surprised? He moved up in an industry that has made billions of dollars off of pussy.

 

There. I said it.

 

This isn’t the porn industry, but it may as well be, and not just missionary style… oh no… it’s some pretty heavy kink. And everyone seems to be okay with it, At least porn doesn’t mince words or lie about it. They openly say they fuck for a living, the titles speak volumes as to what’s following that inevitable url click. Hot milf taking 10 cocks in her ass. — Busty barely legal getting a spank while her mouth gets slammed.

 

At least a porn viewer can make a decision as to what level and type of sexual experience that are going to purvey.

 

Hollywood doesn’t make it that easy (see them G rated previews on tv for an R rated film), and the people that they employ to give ratings to movies, as well as the people that designed the rules they are supposed to follow should be given a second, sober look.

Slasher films, dramas with rape, sexual objectification in comedy, romance and mystery, more rape, women being stalked and murdered and raped everywhere. Boys being bashed and shut down and told to be a man, men hurting and maiming… oh look that couple kissed. Cut it the hell short. Don’t have the leading actress actually enthusiastically consent to sex, or better yet have her have a shallow dialogue and just give the sex scene the confetti cinematography. And a kazoo sound effect at his climax. If she gets off, rate it x.

Shame them women for enjoying it, shame them for existing. Diddle a little boy here and there to spice it up and mess them up. That boy has potential, make him fall in line, and make him hate sexuality. Fill him with self loathing so he can in turn be a powerful man.

 

Because fuck women.

Fuck em.

Conquer them.

They aren’t people, they’re goals, they’re beasts that need to be controlled from their hair to their genitals.

 

Groom dogs, groom kids.. It’s all the same shit when there’s money to be made and a social ladder to climb.

 

Why? What are they so afraid of?

 

All the professionals, the psychology experts, the professional rapist say it’s about power. It’s about control. That’s a pretty ambiguous sentiment.

These are my questions. I suppose this is the point of the stream of thoughts I mentioned above.

Why is the very essence of being feminine vilified? Why is it frightening? Why does it need to be captured and caged, controlled or destroyed? We can try to blame abrahamic religions, and their despicable bid to subjugate society, but I think that cultural, and social memetic existed prior. It was adopted no different than solstice.

 

It’s a meme, that got out of control, like the spanish flu. It’s killing people, globally. It’s bought and sold and given away like cotton candy flavored cocaine.

Why do women have to fight day in and day out for autonomy? Why are we subjugated? Why are we so dangerous? Who are we dangerous to?

 

Why are little boys crushed in such a way that perpetuates the problem? Why do they have to view their mother as the enemy? The woman that despite sheer exhaustion, and pain brought them into this world, reared them, nurtured them (I’m not going to mention the dysfunctional families at this point because that’s a whole book worth of thought processes) But those boys from good and loving homes that get up one day and try to conquer the pussy?

 

The power of the pussy. The thing that rules our society at large. This body part that is misnamed, shamed, and blamed for… what?

Tempting men, and men losing the battle internally. Men trying to subjugate the need, the biological imperative, that biological imperative having replaced the intimacy that comes with relationships, healthy ones both platonic and sexual.

Isolate, subjugate, conquer.

 

Men are divided from family, from true intimacy, and get the wondrous gift of ego to replace it. Ego is a voracious and terrifying construct, and left unchecked will bring mayhem to life.

Boys will be boys, neglect wrapped in a shiny package of freedom, a license for irresponsibility, and henceforth the Pan shall dance with the lost boys in neverland dreaming of Wendy fair.

Broken boys growing into men’s bodies, never given the opportunity to be close, to experience intimacy and taught in offhand ways that the only way to be intimate is through sex.

 

The power of the pussy.

 

Wives and girlfriends scream and yell and nag, begging for emotional closeness with men that are essentially still misguided boys, that have egos that will prevent them from growing. It’s hard to come to terms with the idea that you hurt the people you love and just want to be close to. And you hurt them because that’s the only way you know how to interact, because boys will be boys.

 

Loathe thyself for you’re contemptible for merely existing.

 

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe what I’m seeing is normal and I should accept that’s just the way it is.

 

Maybe women being subjugated through objectification, programmed to respond to acknowledgement, from peers and especially the male eye. You aren’t worth a damn if you can’t rise to the occasion of being the sexiest, and most one dimensional creature in existence. All women are your competition. Worthy of the abuse they receive.

Why?

Damned if I know, I’m not educated. I’m not smart, I’m just on this side of the river stix, trying to get by.

Men aren’t from mars nor are women from venus. We don’t speak different languages, we do however listen with different biases. Or don’t listen at all, because hearing the truth, hearing each other, listening to the pain of existence means vulnerability, which means having to admit dishing out soul torturing pain, and hell on earth.

It means being completely intimate with oneself let alone another human, and we have been taught from our day ones, to avoid that at all costs. We have been taught that self awareness is as dirty as a good old fashioned throat fucking.

Yes there are schools that teach people the idea of self awareness, but it takes more than a group of hippies to get a person to be truly honest with themselves, to be intimate and gentle and compassionate to themselves, and then to move to giving that same treatment to other people with no goal in mind.

The salvation of the pussy.

Healthy, happy women, have an easier time of being vulnerable, being intimate, and loving. And more often than not, that behavior is twisted into sexual advances, or treated as flirting as opposed to being open and loving for it’s own sake.

This is power. Having intimacy as a freely flowing construct, neither taken or given, just being. This is what men want, desire. They wish for normal closeness, not some bastardized life of isolation and loneliness competing with partner after partner as to which gender is more powerful or better than. Men desire the closeness of a bosom buddy, a confidant, and not get shamed for it.

The act of vulnerability, is continually treated as something shameful, female and child related and to be quashed at all costs. Including the cost of one’s own well being and essential human virtue. Yet those who are openly vulnerable even through hurt, tend to be more resilient.

 

Why?

 

Intimacy. They have more intimate connections with more people and as the pains of life cut their souls, they have the support they need, as they are also support for others. They heal, they grow, they move forward.

 

But these boys wrapped in flashy man bodies. Stoic, angry, brooding, jealous, needing affirmation, see the vulnerable with some sort of intangible power.

They need to take it. Take away that power of vulnerability, because it isolates. Isolation the easiest way to subjugate.

 

This might be why the #metoo movement is so very important, and the derailment of stating that victims, shouldn’t have to bear their souls to get this addressed is problematic. Maybe they shouldn’t, but it might be the very reason these people are resilient. They reach out, they connect and build up power with each other, from each other.

 

Intimacy between strangers to fight the stoic isolation that patriarchal movement really slams down upon society in order to maintain a certain type of control.

 

Why?

That’s for another day.

 

That’s for another day

Stalled

Everyone needs a hobby, or in my case several. 

With the chaotic mundanity of being a stay at home parent with twin toddlers the doesnt sleep enough, I decided a couple of months ago to try my hand at carving wood pendants.  

In my previous pre-parent life, I carved stone sculptures, and for a tome had done antique furniture repair, so the skill set is similar enough.

A local jewelry maker was selling her inventory out and had a bunch of wood cut into little discs and I bought a handful for a couple bucks, and started experimenting with my dremel. The next thing I knew, I bought the rest (about 100 pieces) and was motoring away at them averaging 4 pendants a day. 

So, what to do with all these little trinkets? I decide early on to maybe try to sell them on etsy or through farmers markets or craft stalls. 

Great! A little micro business i can do from home that is a healthy outlet, that won’t take from other hobbies in the future.

Cue going non stop for 18 hours a day or more with the kids/house/life/carving for almost two months straight (A few days downtime carving for appointments and illness etc. ) and I have a tidy amount of stock. So I’m prepared to open am online store!

And here I sit.

After doing all that hard work, inspired to keep carving, etsy account made, postal information on hand, and all I need to do is take pictures, write a description for each piece, post, shamelessly share it and cross my fingers.. or maybe toes because hands are handy.

The great machine has stalled.

It’s not the first time either… And there’s no answer as to why I do this to myself, but this time I’m admitting and addressing the silliness that it is.

Is it that I don’t like doing fiddly things? I obviously can commit to a point, know full well this isn’t a career and it’s more just for enjoyment with maybe some extra coin on the side. Worst case all my lived ones get pendants for Christmas, and I still got to carve stuff instead of cleaning and cooking and rearing children. 

It’s not like carving stops when I do the store thing, or it’s that much extra responsibility to mail stuff off to customers. So… why?

This is the conundrum of my day, if anyone reads this and has suggestions, I’m open to them 🙂

Codependency 

It’s my birthday but it’s just another day.

Here’s what I’ve learned about codependency, and instead of using ambiguous statements I’m going to use a personal experience.

1. Most birthdays end up being me disappointed that my s/o does nothing for me at all. This birthday, although I’m nowhere near any friends or family other than the kids and the s/o, I’m going to have cake and ice cream and the kids and I are going to have a fun day. I might nap or make art while they sleep but regardless, it’s going to be about enjoying the day.

(Owning my feelings and finding better ways to deal – my happiness is my responsibility)

2. The house needs extra income, my s/o has made it difficult to maintain enough routine to get a part time job and refuses to caregivers the children if I do. That said I also need an outlet so I’ve decided to start making art again with all of the art supplies I’m sitting on, and try selling it. Worst case, it’s cathartic… best case decent money and cathartic, and maybe I can afford a sitter once a week.

3. Refuse to do anything more than I’m supposed to do in my role as a stay at home parent. 

4. Delegate. When stuff needs two people politely say to s/o to do/grab/deal with the thing. If s/o doesn’t, talk to them about it later.

5. No is the magic word. Reframing boundaries.. this is a hard one, and unique to each person. I see posts about how to lay boundaries and there aren’t many clear answers regarding the subject. What it seems to boil down to is separating yourself from the other person and even your relationship to them. Who are you when you’re single? That’s who you need to be in a relationship. Who is that person outsode your relationship? Let them be that. If the relationship doesn’t work by just being, then you aren’t compatible, and that’s okay. 

6. Expectations are lies we tell ourselves about what we deserve. Yes we deserve love and affection and compassion, but we need to find people in our lives that we share those things with, not find a person, give it our all to that person with the expectation that they need to give us anything back. Healthy love is naturally reciprocated, not demanded.

7. Self care. If you need permission to take a walk or have a shower or just sit and relax, here it is. You have permission, so say what you are going to do and just do it.

8. Destructive self indulgence.

Smoking, binge eating, habitual self damaging habits of whatever kind. I tried to quit smoking and the chaos suddenly got ramped up in my house. The doctor that prescribed champix said, once I got to 5 smokes a day think about those ones. They are the reason I smoke. I smoke to step out of a calm situation to a stressful one. (Morning smoke, post meal smokes, etc.) I also smoke to be indulgent. It’s my little thing that let’s me be selfish, and make up for the “giving” and “sacrifice” that I do. Which is all ego.

9.  You aren’t needed. If you dissappear tomorrow, life will go on. You’ll be missed, your presence desired, but nobody needs you, except you. Tough pill to swallow. Your codependent addict will most likely replace you with another person willing to fill your role, worst case they will go down the path they were headed before you stepped in to take control, best case, that’s rock bottom and they start actually getting coping skills and learn how to be responsible. 

10. The path to hell is paved with good intentions.

You aren’t helping your addict. You’re stunting them further. Your ego is telling you that you know best. You don’t. If you can’t control your life and behavior, you have no right to controlling or being responsible for anyone else’s life (if you have kids, get help if you’re codependent) you can offer friendship, or advice or find sources for help for your addict, but you can’t make them change. Period.

11. You don’t like your situation. You love them, you aren’t ready, you don’t have the resources, the list can go on, but it boils down to you aren’t happy…. do things that make you happy and feel secure. If you want to go to counseling, do it. Ask your addict to come, if they don’t want to, that’s where they are. It isn’t your problem.

12. Love languages work for reasonably functional couples. If your relationship is a train wreck, subtle things like love languages mean nothing. And really still puts the onus of your happiness on your partner and vice versa. 

13. Be a whole human, be loving and compassionate to yourself, all those shitty things you say to yourself daily: catch yourself doing it, and make an effort to apologize to yourself and reframe it. Talk to yourself like you are a 5 year old.