Scratching the abyss

This is going to be a heavy post about addiction and suicide. 

For those people struggling with addiction, I have no answers. All new studies point to having love and a fulfilling life to prevent addiction, but once in the throes of addiction that community becomes a foreign place to an addict. 

As an outsider loving people who have spiraled through the event horizon of addiction, it’s a terrifying experience to behold.

After watching a person spiral in and shoot out over and over, one’s mind can go to really dark places. 

Tonight was a dark night in my mind. The differences between addiction and suicide hit me tonight.

Suicide is swift and final. There may be things left undone, unsaid or unexplained, but loved ones can grieve, and in time move forward. 
Addiction always teeters on the edge of finality holding on to a tiny thread of hope. The death of an addict is usually a slow and painful process.

One grieves a loved one that slides down the rabbit hole out of sight, but gets a glimmer of hope when the addict reaches up and cries for help.

The grief is paused. 

Then the addict slides down again.

Over and over the cycle goes until the addict destroys themselves partially or entirely. But up until the end, there is hope.

I don’t know how an addict feels during the cycle, and I refuse to ask for justification. It’s needless. I can’t force sobriety, or a fulfilling life. None of us can, it’s entirely up to an addict to make that decision.

Addiction is a sad part of society, and hopefully we can help our communities find a solution to help all who struggle with it.

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Civilizations come and go

With all of the strange violence and chaos that seems to be popping up lately, one has to pause and wonder what it is that is actually going on?

What would make a middle class suburban kid decide to go and fight for some strange violent group of people in a foreign country?

Security and a sense of direction, meaning in life, solid foundations regardless of creed.

We are at a nexus point in human civilization and most people are unaware of it.

The digital revolution is no longer a revolution, but an evolution. There are no answers to the days ahead, no predictability at all.

For the longest time I expected some major upheaval, more dissent something tangible that would signify the end of civilization as we know it, and either the human race imploding or us making some sort of major advancement.

But today while I was looking at new tech trying to ponder how to prepare the twins for adulthood I came to realize something.

It’s happening. We are moving forward regardless of trademarks, profits and property rights. We are as a species circumventing the powers that be, and we are unifying in a way that has never happened before.

Free knowledge and public licensing in technology has opened the floodgates. And access on a global level is giving laypeople the opportunity to create real-time practical solutions to their environments, all the while crowdsourcing the resources they may not have.

It all seems a sham to people who hold power because they can’t calculate it. You can’t tally knowledge and there are no dividends on freedom. But there is a technocratic creep happening. In fact it’s upon us and we don’t have the faintest idea what it will bring.

Which brings me back to people going to strange lands and adopting violent mantras. They see it, and don’t understand it, and they are looking for a solid conservative direction to protect them.

Ultra conservative people need a sense of meaning and defined directions and roles in order to feel safe. It’s ingrained in our genome, and has served us in the past even though it doesn’t serve us now.

But the change is upon us and there is nothing that can be done aside from complete destruction of humanity to end it. And nobody is insane enough to step across that line.

As the change comes, it will keep accelerating and those able to adapt and think on their feet will have the most success.

What we are seeing is the death throes of a dying civilization, but as there are so many of us, humanity itself as a whole will be here to usher in its replacement unlike previous civilizations.

All in all we are going to see some amazing things in the short term, and I look forward to where it’s going.

:D

Things I’ve learned about life (part unknown)
1. Get off the couch and do stuff. Hobbies, volunteering, travelling, LARPing. Just don’t be a couch potato.
2. Read. Voraciously about everything you can, even if it’s not your “thing”.
3. Listen to a variety of music, and be open to new tunes.
4. Push yourself hard
5. Take care of you, and love you for who you are right this moment, things change, bodies change, lives change.. it just takes time.
6. Make mistakes. Learn from them. Move on.
7. Listen. Listen to your friends, your world around you, your body and your heart. They tell the truth.
8. Success is a lie. Achievements are relative and failure is subjective.
9. Be you. The best you that you can muster. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
10. Facilitate others to also “be” and discover them as they are.
11. If you meet someone and get into a relationship, don’t stop doing the above. Period.

It isn’t rape culture. It’s way worse than that.

Every day now I see something in the media about “rape culture”. The culture of sexual violence, being romanticized and perpetuated in many different forms. Romanticized sexual violence is a very real thing, but it isn’t the problem. It’s a symptom of a greater issue at hand.

I’m going to list off some more of the symptoms of the actual disease of modern society, and hopefully I can figure out a name for it.

1. Gender competition. (Male vs. Female vs. Ambiguous or otherness)

2. Sexual exploitation of humans. Male and female, young and old.

3. Creating unhealthy ideals and concepts of social roles

4. Demonizing aspects of gender stereotypes.

5. Abuse of humans using religion, patriarchy and politics.

6. Systematic removal of personal empowerment via media and institutions.

We are at a nexus point in civilization, and we need to step back and tread very carefully before we proceed. One of the major influences in the development of the future of mankind lays in us, casting aside the current values of gender relations. They are toxic and destructive to all humans.

We not only are being raised in an unhealthy manner, but adults are being socialized to have unhealthy relationships with themselves and each other.

So many men I meet are being robbed of the the opportunity to be real men. They desperately cling to fashion items to define their masculinity, and yet, at the end of the day are incapable of being the man they want to be to their significant other. Men are given low self worth, due to extreme feminism, combined with the battle cry of damaged little boys trapped in man bodies everywhere ensuring that no more women destroy them.

And women are now completely objectified and their value as a human is based upon their sexual attractiveness, regardless of the fact that sexuality is used to procreate. As soon as a woman becomes pregnant, her value as a human drops, as the infants inside make objectification offensive and difficult.

Problem is, men aren’t being raised to be men, they are being raised to be giant little boys, and stay dependent on the teats of life. They look for mommy replacements, because they never got given the tools to deal with life. They are dependent, and oddly enough, from a woman’s perspective, it starts off cute and funny, and after a very short period of time gets creepy and sickening. Who wants to have sex with a person you have to treat like your own offspring?

And men, sit there watching their s/o go from being an amazing person turn slowly into mom (not realizing that their dependency brings out the maternal instinct) and then get resentful and bothered and go looking for some hot tamale to make up for the lack of sexiness. But heaven forbid they let their s/o be themselves… you know that person that they found attractive to begin with.

Men are taught that women should be willing to put out if there is a gift bought if she is by herself in public. If she is alone, with no male counterpart she is available, and she has no choice or say in the matter.

That sense of entitlement is a direct offshoot of the culture of immaturity and objectification that we have built. It’s not rape culture, it’s Juvenile Culture.

Veiled racism

For anyone knows me, my ex boyfriend is a British Ex Pat. And he pointed out how surprised at the veiled racism that Canadians tend to have.

We are touted as a cultural melting pot internationally, but, there is a lot of bigotry slithering through our societal norms.

We would go for coffee and chat witb people and they would rant about “New Canadians” to my landed immigrant significant other.
He would twitch out and say, “But I’m a new Canadian.”
To which the reply would invariably be, “But you’re different…”
He would answer, “Like wot?? Coz I’m pink, not brown?!? Sod off ya c*nt!!” (he’s Cockney)

That being said, I have chums from all kinds of backgrounds and you know what I’ve found? Everyone’s a bigot and everyone stereotypes. It’s just white, hetero people did such an extreme job of of being bigoted assholes we pissed everyone off, and can’t get away with it.

So, here we sit at the tail end of a never ending election campain that has somehow brought the veiled bigotry out into the open, ironically because of veils. And it has created amazing discussions.

The dialogue it has created, may just be what we need as Canadians, both new and born, to take stock in our apathy and shallow divisions.

Thank you Harper, we have an opportunity to discuss the elephant in the room now that the tablecloth fell off of her.

Your dirty politics might backfire because regardless of the veiled bigotry, most Canadians are smart enough to know that their discomfort is a personal issue, and we tend to live and let live.

So, please try to divide us in more ridiculous ways, then we have more to talk about!

Veiled racism

For anyone knows me, my ex boyfriend is a British Ex Pat. And he pointed out how surprised at the veiled racism that Canadians tend to have.

We are touted as a cultural melting pot internationally, but, there is a lot of bigotry slithering through our societal norms.

We would go for coffee and chat witb people and they would rant about “New Canadians” to my landed immigrant significant other.
He would twitch out and say, “But I’m a new Canadian.”
To which the reply would invariably be, “But you’re different…”
He would answer, “Like wot?? Coz I’m pink, not brown?!? Sod off ya c*nt!!” (he’s Cockney)

That being said, I have chums from all kinds of backgrounds and you know what I’ve found? Everyone’s a bigot and everyone stereotypes. It’s just white, hetero people did such an extreme job of of being bigoted assholes we pissed everyone off, and can’t get away with it.

So, here we sit at the tail end of a never ending election campain that has somehow brought the veiled bigotry out into the open, ironically because of veils. And it has created amazing discussions.

The dialogue it has created, may just be what we need as Canadians, both new and born, to take stock in our apathy and shallow divisions.

Thank you Harper, we have an opportunity to discuss the elephant in the room now that the tablecloth fell off of her.

Your dirty politics might backfire because regardless of the veiled bigotry, most Canadians are smart enough to know that their discomfort is a personal issue, and we tend to live and let live.

So, please try to divide us in more ridiculous ways, tgen we have more to talk about!

Deconstructing Docterine

There’s a major difference beween Faith and religion. And unfortunately, for the Faithful there seems to be a trap they have been pulled into, which may be robbing them of the inherent teachings and spritual wellbeing that the God they believe in has offered them.

The teachings are founded in compassion and love, for all around and that person within, salvation isn’t about guilt, it’s about growth. And the closest one can be to god is to commune with nature itself.

For those that follow any teachings, they are taught that they are not worthy of the Love that is offered and that the path to truth and salvation is through persistent self punishment. Humans are ever separated by the docterines they follow from the Spritual growth and advancement that we have been offered.

Religious institutions were originally people that were like minded building a community to share and help each other grow, and have degraded into twisted groups that preach black and white ideals in regards to a subject that is infinite and non-visceral.

Those ideals tend towards unattainable knowledge for the masses and only a select few that have access to rewards. They peddle hope in exchange for poverty and suffering. This is not what Faith is about, and although I’m apostate, I can tell you that intentionally bringing suffering to the lives of others is completely contrary to a godly life.

Every foundational teaching in every religion states that all humans are capable of bringing miracles, and that all humans are allowed to walk to the god conciousness. We are all welcome, no matter the creed. Faith and meditation or prayer are combined to bring us closer to being godly, and becoming more than lowly guilt ridden corporeal scum.

And to become enlightened, to have the “christ mind” or achieve nirvana by being buddha, is all the same, and all very personal. Each person experiences the world in a different way, and to say that it’s wrong to experience the Infinite in a different way is arrogant and misleading.

To Love is the first step,

To see all as connected is the second step,

To see Oneself as part of the Infinite is the third

To understand that oneself is a drop in an endless ocean (the removal of ego) is the fourth

To accept the above list is the fifth

After this, is where the Christ mind or Buddha or Bodhisatva comes into play, and where science is a tool.

We are made of the same stuff as everything in the Universe.

We are the Universe consiously experiencing itself.

We now beginning to measure the little particles that we are made of, and that have been spoken about in different cultures for millenia.

We are now understanding that we can manipulate these things with machinery.

But, How about with our own being?

Water into wine

Moving from one side a the Ganges to the other in the blink of an eye.

Prophecy

Jericho

What are we missing that the ancients had?

Faith.

They didn’t teach docterine and how to tithe, or mess with politics.

They taught enlightenment, and said that all are welcome, all deserve Love, compassion and inclusion. But the price to go there is to give the same love and compassion and inclusion that you wish to recieve.

We teach partriarchal idealism, and hierarchy. My god is bigger than his god, I’m right you’re wrong, you are dirty and don’t deserve Love, and compassion is only for the biggest contributor to the intitution.

Exclusive God clubs, that happily promote violence and hatred towards other exclusive god clubs, and thrive off of the most vulnerable in order to propell them to some higher sociopolitical gain.

If your “Messiah” were to stand in front of you, would you recognise that person? How would you treat that person? Just remember that while you walk around day to day, that the person that is put here to save your soul will most likely be the person to prove your hypocracy and let you see the hatred you bear, they will hand you your ego in a way that will make you fall to your knees, and beg for forgiveness.

The person that will judge you, will not be God, nor will it be a messiah, it will be you. You will see yourself in your true form, you will feel the consequences of every decision you have made, and you will understand how much power you have over the world and you will either regret or rejoice in your life’s work.

Do you use your power to better society, or better your personal gain? Have you found balance in a fair and just manner, or do you serve your ego.

If hell is a thing, I would assume that it would be to live the experiences that others have had of you, and you would have to live those experiences until there was understanding.

Some souls would learn, some would ask for another chance, and others would stay, and sadly never move on.

The push for Ancient Aliens to be the architects of civilizations prior, is the continuation of an idea that humans are somehow incapable of becoming more without intervention.

If your messiah were to stand before you and tell you that you need to change the course of human history immediately, would you tell that person that they are wrong? Because you believe in docterine? Because of blind faith in institutions and conformity due to fear of letting go, or fear of change? Because of greed and selfishness, or just plain apathy?

Maybe you don’t have the time to sit down and think about the future of your children, who sit at home wishing that you wouldn’t be working so much to pay for stuff that you don’t need to keep up with your ego fuelled battle with the neighbors down the road. All they want is for you to come home and play with them, and smile sometimes, and maybe read them a book.

Who cares if it’s Harry Potter? A boy that has the empowerment to take care of himself and the people around him? Why can’t a boy have magical powers to save the world from evil? Sounds like another boy or two in history… Why can’t we inspire our children to save the world, and use their gifts for the betterment of everyone?

Humans have so much potential and every time we are offered that opportunity to grow, there are people that fear a loss of power, that manipulate us to continue on the path we are on. The prophesies that were given to us were a warning, not a truth. And now we have people that feel that they are the tools of a self fulfilling prophesy.

We have little time left, before we end it all, and I truely wonder, if once again we will kill off the next messiah, for the sake of our egos and pocket books. We are killing the future of our grandchildren in order to prove everyone else wrong. I don’t think that’s godly.

I don’t believe in religion, but I do believe in Faith, and although I’m slowly losing Faith in humanity, I have Faith in myself, and Faith in Love, and I have above all, Faith that there is still a chance for us to see each other as we are, and accept each other in a way that is real, founded on truth, and not marred by ego.

If there is a god, I believe that those traits are what actually counts, and no matter the creed or ideology, that the path to being a Whole Human, or Holy… is to give to the world what you wish to recieve, that intent is as powerful as action.