The funny thing about Mets is….

A few months ago I broke down and talked to my new doctor about my spouse’s melanoma.

He was diagnosed a month after the twins were born and given a poor prognosis. Fifty percent chance of survival at five years with treatment.

He had the original mole/tumor removed, and never went back.

Fast forward 2.5 years and I still have a lot of questions. He has more strange looking moles becoming more apparent.

My assumption is that it’s spread. I brought it up to the doctor, told him the timeline, and prognosis.

He was immediately concerned.

His first words we’re, “The funny thing about Mets is, they start off small and depending on where they are they can take a very long time to grow.”

I like this doctor… I think He should be a professor for how well explains medical stuff to me.

We discussed the locations and likelihood of growth in his lungs, internal organs and brain.

Even in the brain, there are many outcomes of growth of a metastasis.

So I watch and wait. I really don’t know what for. For illness I suppose, for unusual weight loss or behavior changes, or coordination issues.

I question his bleeding. He bleeds a lot in his sleep due to being a construction worker. Blood on the floor in the bathroom or toilet. I wonder an abnormal amount.

I’ve developed a back up plan of his behavior changes more than to be expected considering everything.

If he gets violent. Because that can happen… And we have kids.

I’ve tried to start looking at career options and due to being an almost 40 year old, and a stay at home parent, my chances of a normal career are slim.

I’m past being terrified, I’m just holding onto hope that maybe it’s a bad dream until the day comes that it’s just a terrible fact.

Cancer hides and so do some cancer sufferers.

And on a related note: check your skin once a month. Especially if you have a freckle or mole that is unusual. Don’t put off going to the doctor. Early detection and treatment increases survival by a lot.

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Beauty

There’s a constant flow of talk about looks.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Beauty is only skin deep

Too fat, too thin, too tall, too short

Is it media? Commercialism?

We’re all barraged daily in regards to beauty, its definition, its value and the consequences of not fitting that ideal.

Eating disorders, clothing hoarding, personal hygiene products, ointments galore, plastic surgery from face to genitals, and financial hardship all to chase an ideal.

But the concept of ideal beauty shifts with the wind, differs between cultures, and varies through the ages for men and women alike.

And 99 percent of us never make the cut.

How many relationships with good People are damaged on a daily basis from our skewed value upon the looks of people?

How many housewives are torn down daily by their husbands offhand remarks of how this woman (who looks nothing like her) is hot and all the rest are disgusting… how many little girls question themselves for It?

How many men beat themselves up because they’re never going to be the next Brad Pitt? And how many think that is what women want in a man?

Our view of beauty is ugly, how we treat ourselves and other who aren’t and will never be a “10/10” is ugly. Our value in the superficial aspects of humanity, the stuff that never really lasts is ugly.

Very few him and can make a living with their looks. Looks may help in the short term, but, it’s the beauty of the mind, the sheer will, hard work and integrity of people that gives us our community, and our ability to move forward.

Its the beauty of countless people sacrificing their time, their careers, their ideals to help others, to rear children, to give back to their communities which is beautiful.

It’s the creators and builders and dreamers, the counselors and hope givers that give a sense of belonging and richness, merging purpose and hope, and the thought of more in life which is beautiful.

It’s the mundane that we love about each other. The mundane stuff in our loved ones lives that due to the nature of intimacy, that is truly beautiful. How our children sleep or have tiny gestures that are their own, how our spouse hums while washing the dishes, or how a parent or grandparent spins a tale or leaves an item of care. Just in case.

Those things, are vulnerability and earnestness and compassion and empathy, they are representations of someone allowing you into the deepest most untouched parts of themselves. And each person is different.

And truly beautiful.

Looks come and go, but the person inside is there, the impact they have on us is there, and lasting. Even if their name is lost in the sands of time, their impact will always move forward.

That is beautiful.

And you.. you are beautiful ❤