My greatest vulnerability is potential.

Potential in others, in humanity at large, and potential in individuals. 

Potential has caused me the most joy and pain. But pain mostly.

I see the potential in everyone I meet, the wonderous things they are capable of, and somehow blind myself to their incapability and the undercurrent of imperfection that flows through every human vein.

Believe me when I say if you and I were to meet I would be a cheerleader for you, ìn whatever it is you do. Not because I feel like I’ll get something out of it more than just seeing you become a whole human. 

The problem is, a cheerleader is only as good as the team theyre cheering for. And although there are many many teams that will succeed in one way or another, or even move to greatness, there are many many other teams that maybe need better coaches and better tools, or even the will to play. Potential or not. 

I look into my kids eyes and blindly see their potential and wonder who they’re going to be, and stop myself. I weep. It really doesn’t matter who they will be… it matters who they are now.

This is my pain. Many relationships that I’ve allowed to become toxic because I just want to help people in some way move forward and be the best they can. 

That’s not my job.

My job is to be there and encourage or save space. Counsel if requested. Nothing more. 

Potential is heaven and hell, merging together in a first burning chaotic mess. 

And it’s not my place to look into the future, even my own. 

 Potential is what I’m wired for, and I need to somehow remove that programming before my heart breaks further.