Twice I fell in love. Not that silly romantic kind. Because that kind is a lie.
I fell in love with two tiny faces. Over and over.
But there’s a last time for everything. And there’s a last time.. For everything.
It’s Christmas. I fell in love with those tiny faces again. And today it hurt.
It’s not about things to live for, a sense of purpose… it’s about connection. They are two of three left outside of myself.
Inside. There is a full disconnect. I don’t want to even do it anymore. And so I left my selfish alcoholic spouse to tend to them when they wake up.
And I walk.
In minus 11
In the woods
In the dark.
Because the darkness, alone and cold is what I’ve come to live. Day in and day out.
I don’t know if I’ll go back or when. Why let my kids hope that mom is going to be happy and okay. That’s all a lie too.
So I walk.